One Step Closerā€¦to Cultivating More Love
Feb 03, 2024
ONE IDEA FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT
What does love mean to you?
Today, I want to share what I think is the most beautiful, profound, and active definition of love. It was written by Brene Brown in her book "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are." (I highly recommend reading this, if you haven't already.)
I was completely blown away by this definition! It was so moving that it brought me to tears, and I re-read it 10 times.
It was such a relief to see such a functional definition of an emotion that is oftentimes a mystery to me.
Here it is:
"We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare."
FIVE QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Let's break this definition down and reflect on each section:
1. “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known,”
Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable in relationships where you feel safe?
2. “and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.”
In your most important relationships, how do you actively work towards trust, respect, kindness, and affection? Remember that these things look different between different relationships (familial, romantic, friend, pet).
3. “Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”
In what ways do you believe love is cultivated within yourself, and how does this self-love contribute to your capacity to love others?
4. “Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows.”
How do you handle moments of shame, blame, disrespect, or betrayal within your relationships, and how do you believe these challenges impact the growth and maintenance of love?
5. “Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
When/if shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, or withholding of affection happens in your relationships, what are the steps (if any) you take to communicate, acknowledge, and then heal them? If they are not rare, what are the steps you take to set up boundaries (or, if possible, move on from) that relationship?
ONE EXERCISE FOR YOU TO TRY THIS WEEK
Love is experienced differently by everybody, but the one thing we all have in common is that love is something we need to actively cultivate and grow.
This week, take the time to think through these questions for at least one of your most important relationships. What is one active thing that you can do to cultivate more love in that relationship this week (for example, spend quality time with your parent - even if it is on the phone, make your spouse their favorite dinner dish, have that conversation you were putting off with your friend that you know will show your authentic self)?
Click here to download the printable worksheet for this post.
I hope you allow yourself to cultivate the truest and most stable forms of love this year. You deserve it.
Until next time,
Sheena
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